Tell the World We Are the Good Guys
by James Glaser
March 12, 2012

Not only do we keep telling the rest of the world that we are the good guys, we keep telling ourselves that we are the good guys. We have to keep telling ourselves that, because, in reality, it is getting harder and harder to believe it.

Do you remember when it used to be that the country that started wars was bad, but we have changed that, haven't we. We, the freedom-loving United States of America, now attack countries because we are good. You see we know what is best for the world, so just the fact that we attack a country should tell the world that the country we attacked is bad. It has to be bad, because we are the good country, and a good country can only attack a bad country. Right? Really it is so simple.

For example, Afghanistan and Iraq were bad, so we started a war with each of them. No, they did not attack us or anyone else, but they could have. Iraq could have had weapons of mass destruction. They didn't, but they could have, and just having the mere possibility of having Weapons of Mass Destruction makes you bad. Oh, uh, ahem, yes, we have those weapons, but that is different, because we are good, and we would never use those weapons in a bad way. Forget about our bombing Japan with atomic bombs or the chemical weapons we used on Vietnam. That was years ago, and we would never do that now, unless there was a very bad country that deserved getting attacked like that again. Maybe Iran would fall into that category. The whole world knows how bad Iran is, and we all know they are trying to get those bad weapons so they can do bad things with them.

Afghanistan never attacked anyone, but they had bad people living in their country, so it was good that we attacked them, too. No, they didn't have those bad weapons, and they didn't have an army, navy or air force, but still they had bad people living in their country, so we attacked them and drove those bad people out. Now, eleven years later we are still attacking Afghanistan, because we are trying to make them a good country like we are.

Are you getting my point, yet? Could it be more clear? Well then, just remember this—the USA is good and everyone else is suspect. Washington has a fool-proof way of deciding who we should attack, and you can be assured that any country we attack is a bad country, and we are making the world a better place with our attack.

See how simple it is? We are good the good guys, everyone else is bad.

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