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Your War Never Fades Away
by James Glaser April 10, 2012 
I have thought about this for decades, and still it is going to be hard to explain. I know other war vets will know what I am talking about. As the years go by, much of your war time experience fades like your high school days do. However, some of the moments in war stay vivid in your mind forever. There are always things that bring those memories to the front of your mind. The VA calls them "stressors." They could be the sound of a helicopter flying overhead, or just the sound of that chopper's roters in the distance. For others it can be the smell of diesel fuel, the report of a rifle fired, or even the position of someone's body lying on the beach. The mind can be put into recall mode by almost anything, and the more times it happens, the clearer that memory stays. It used to amaze me that a WWII vet can recall every detail of his being wounded, or the night his ship was torpedoed. They can recall who said what, what they were wearing, how cold or warm the water was, the name of all the guys around them, but the day before and the day after that incident are a fog. It is almost like they have a video playing in their head. Like I said, that used to amaze me, but now decades later, parts of my war (Vietnam) are recorded on that same kind of tape in my head, too. I thought my war memories would all fade away; in fact I have prayed that they would. It can be very startling when some old memory jumps into your mind, a memory you never recalled before because something you saw, heard, or maybe smelled jarred your mind into bringing it back up. Some veterans get home and fill their lives with work and family, and they seem never to think about their war time experiences. Those vets wonder about why so many other vets are having problems. Well, I can't tell you how many veterans I have met who have told me that everything was fine until their children grew up and moved out, or they retired from their job. Then, all of a sudden, at the age of 60 or even older, the memories and the grief of their war time experiences all come rushing back like they happened yesterday. It is devastating to those guys. The VA has counseling groups for WWII vets, and Korean War vets who are just now experiencing Post Traumatic Stress 50 or 60 years after getting home. I was in a VA Hospital PTSD program with the CEO of a huge furniture manufacturing corporation. He had the big house, the cabin on the lake, plenty of money, and a secure retirement set up. He had it all. Then one day, there was an industrial accident on the workshop floor while he was visiting one of their factories, and 'Bam!' everything started going downhill for him. Unexplained panic attacks, bad dreams, hyper-viligence, you might say the whole nine yards of PTSD all at once. Well, this guy was a Navy Corpsman with a Marine Infantry Unit, and he had seen it all while in combat, but when he came home, he quickly married his high school sweetheart, finished a college degree in business, and landed a job with a growing furniture company and became a full blown workaholic. On top of that, he and his wife had four boys who he coached in every sport they wanted to take part in, and he became a volunteer in his community wherever he was needed. Some veterans try using alcohol or drugs to forget their time in combat, others like this guy keep themselves so busy they literally have no time for PTSD to enter their lives. Well, if they live long enough, and don't die of a heart attack from the stress load they have taken on, they will eventually slow down. That is when they are finally forced to deal with all the things that happened in their war that they have hidden from themselves. After a few weeks in this PTSD program with this guy, he admitted there were times that the war came rushing back to him, but like so many veterans, he stuffed everything back into his head and started working harder to forget. That can work for days, weeks, months or even many years, but it is always there waiting for you to slow down or like this guy, have something happen similar to that war time experience with the bloody injury of one of his workers. That was enough that he couldn't stop it from coming out, and once it is really out, there is no stuffing in back in. So, you either get help, start drink/drugging, or you end up committing suicide. This is kind of amazing to me, but I have met vets who never do recall events of their time in service, but they will get a sick feeling that they have no physical reason for having when their "stressor" is encountered. Your mind has the ability to play games with your body, and stress can do a number on you. I read about all the Iraqi and Afghan vets who are looking for help from the VA for their combat stress, and I read about the pills the VA gives out, or how the VA will tell many of them that the stress they are experiencing comes from something pre-war, so they are not going to help them. With the VA, asking for help becomes a game. You can't tell them too much or they will throw you in a psych ward, and keep you in a total fog with drugs. However, if you tell them too little, they will not take your need for help seriously, Also, there is a guilt trip going on in your head because when you start dealing with the VA and PTSD, you always think that those guys, the other veterans needing help, are really sick, but that you just need a little help. Guess what. Those "really sick" guys are looking at you thinking the same damn thing. Then when you start seeing a shrink and find out his insane work load, you wonder if you are not hurting somebody sicker who really needs more time with the VA doctor who is helping you. Yep, PTSD will make you play a big mind game, one that you never can figure out the rules. I was blessed when I sought help. There were two doctors, and some of the vets who had been going to the Minneapolis VA PTSD Unit for a while explained to me that one doctor did not believe in using drugs, and the other was heavy in giving them out. I took the non-drug help, and to this day I know guys that went the other way, and they are still taking such heavy doses that their script would knock you out. I always hear the phrase, War is Hell, and maybe that is true. But no matter what, war is forever. If you think about it, people in Europe who went through WWI still remember it enough that European countries have not been to war with each other since. Some of those countries even have laws that prohibit their governments from sending troops to any foreign land for any reason. Now that those people who lived through WWII are dying, those countries are starting to send their troops to places where the UN pretends they are trying to bring peace. I believe it won't be long, and Europe will be squabbling again, because those who suffered in the hell of war will no longer be around to explain that to the young. Now, here is the United States. Even though we have so many war veterans, we as a country have never really seen firsthand what happens in a real war. The 9/11 attack threw us for a loop didn't it. But that was almost nothing compared to what our military does to other countries when we employ our Shock and Awe attacks. Just imagine what our country would be like if for the past 11 years our war in Afghanistan was fought on our soil. Then it would be much, much harder for Washington to convince us that we needed to go attack somebody. Unfortunately, Washington has most Americans believing that our wars are for not only the preservation of our freedoms, but also for the good of the people in the countries we attack. Most Americans do not have a lifelong battle raging in their head trying to forget the horrors of war, but the people in every country we have attacked in the last 50 years does. And if you think about it, that is hundreds of millions of people. So, when Washington starts beating the drums for war again, remember—there are no short wars for the people we attack. Our war will be their war for the rest of their lives, just as it is for most of our veterans. |
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